Friday, July 16, 2010

Bitchy Spam, Symptom/Crazy Watch, and So On

Dear Chinese spammers,

I know, I know, you don't read the blogs you spam. And it's true that I'll delete your comments no matter what, since they all contain those silly links that are long strings of ellipses. (While we're on the topic, the rule is three dots when the ellipsis falls mid-sentence, four if it ends the sentence. There's no call ever for using 15-20. I will deduct points for this error from now on.) Nevertheless, I'd appreciate it if your comments were at least not obliquely discouraging. Take my last post, for instance, the one where I was happy that my beta went up, even though I know the pregnancy could still end. I am fully aware that while the beta is a good sign, it is no guarantee of continued progress. Your comment, "one swallow does not a summer make" was frankly rude. I will expect better in the future.

Dear Rest of The Internet,

Hi. Sorry for the posting slow-down. Obviously, we're very happy (so far, knock-wood, spit-on-a-swallow) with the whole being knocked up thing, but it is true that compared to the daily shots and blood-draws and dildocamming of an IVF cycle, it's pretty uneventful. (Outwardly. I'm aware that in principle the Bionic apple seed is developing a circulation system and probably also learning the basics of Newtonian mechanics or something in there, but how in the heck do I know that, except that or RUKILLINGURBAAAAAYYYYYBBBBEEEEEEEE?????.com or whatever says so? It's pretty hard to believe.)

So here's your update:

I am still intermittently convinced I've made this whole thing up. This is partly because I'm always paranoid I'm doing the wrong thing socially, and the most wrong thing I can think of in terms of the scheduled trip to the RE on Monday for a first u/s would be if I'd somehow misunderstood everything they've told me and am going to be up on the table with no pants for no reason, and someone will have to explain it to Sugar, so she can gently take me home. AWKward.

My boobs are mostly a comfort to me, as they are full and painful and the nipples are definitely looking different. But then yesterday morning, they were smaller and not that painful, leading to a wee nervous breakdown. (Hmmm, when has that happened before?) By evening, they were back to their new old selves. I keep chanting Shroe's "sanity-defying logic all their own" wisdom in my head.

The whole idea that I can't trust my body to tell me what's going on is very difficult to get used to. I'm accustomed to being able to figure out a fair amount by paying attention to small signals -- a certain sore throat means a virus is settling in; wacky vision means a migraine is coming -- and trying to ignore what seems like real information is unsettling.

I am having periods of nausea from time to time, most enjoyably during my 2-hour commute via a variety of public transit conveyances and hot waiting areas. No vomiting, but lots of sucking on ginger candies and fretting.

I can't say I'm having cravings per se, but I do have these moments when a very specific flavor will arrive in my memory (with no outside stimulus) and I have to spend a while thinking of what it is before I can do anything else. The first few times, the flavor proved to be beer, so I attributed the whole experience to my brain's liking beer and not understanding why we can't have some. Yesterday, however, the long-forgotten flavor that possessed me halfway through class was elementary school cafeteria fish sticks.

For that, I have no explanation.


  1. LOL.... so happy to hear you are settling into that OMG I Might Actually Be Maybe Sort of (Could be) Possibly Pregnant frame of mind!
    Know what came to me apropos of nothing last night while watching Heroes on Netflix? Jalapeno flavored goldfish crackers! Heaven in a foil-lined bag!! I am seeking them out today.

  2. So happy to hear from you. I was wondering how you were doing/feeling and glad that you're settling into the state that Schroe so eloquently named :-) I'll say nothing of the Chinese spamers so as not to entice their wrath as well. Excited for the u/s update!

  3. What do you call a baby swallow?

    A chew.

    All time best joke ever. One of the few things I miss since becoming vegetarian (almost 20 years ago) is fish sticks. They're just so magical. I believe in my hear that it won't be long before your body, and indeed, a WHOLE NUTHER body INSIDE YOUR BODY (duuuuude, how whack is that?!?!) will be giving you signals a' plenty.

  4. Two-hour commute? Yikes. Poor Bionic. That would take you half across this country, to a place known as The Back of Beyond.

    Take it easy, eh? One day at a time, and all that.

  5. I'm glad things are continuing to go well...and, I hate the Chinese spammers too.

  6. Glad things are going well. Although the nausea on public transportation sounds a bit scary.

  7. Glad to hear you are starting to enjoy this, and remember...these are all new symptoms, so they will take some getting to know :) But from what I'm hearing, you are definitely KU. And ignore the spammers....sheesh. HUGS.

  8. You are hilarious! I felt the same way after my first two betas. I couldn't really believe it until i saw the heartbeats. And i freaked when my boobs felt better one day - just remember go.ogle is not your friend!

  9. Glad you are feeling ok (ish). I'm growing very familiar with the nausea on NY public transport and have developed a few solutions:
    - keep some plastic bags with you. Even if you never need them, you have them so you don't puke on someone's toes. I had an hour long subway ride last week and was mostly panicked about causing a scene since I didn't have the bags.
    - Ginger. It's my friend. You've clearly figured that out.
    - Sip water with lemon very slowly, esp when getting overheated on subway platforms or bus stops.
    - Keep some lemon rinds with you, so when there are really icky smells you can put them by your nose and breathe in lemony-goodness. Yeah, it's a bit weird, but NYC during a heat wave is land of serious stink.

    And good luck!!

  10. Fried egg sandwich eaten between frozen waffles.

    Sour jolly ranchers.

    Be well Mamas.

  11. Okay, the fish sticks thing made me laugh so hard I shot Diet Coke out my nose. Then laughed some more! That's one for the baby book. :)

  12. Well, of course baby is studying Newtonian Mechanics in there! Gotta do something to pass the time :P Best wishes for the ultrasound!

  13. Hope the Monday ultrasound is perfect in every way!

  14. Chinese spammers blow. They have visited me in awhile, watch they'll come haunting me now. So glad to read an update girl. Can't wait to see how Monday goes, it will be awesome! I hated those nasty ass fishsticks in school, but loved the pizza and instant mashed potatoes, ok so they probably were not real potatoes, but I loved em. xoxox

  15. Looking forward to your ultrasound update....I have never had the fortune of a chinese spammer. So strange!! Well... I am thinking of you :)